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A mouse in the house

mouse-house

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A mouse really wanted to come out from his hole in the wall behind the fridge in the kitchen but he was very, very afraid of the cat. So he put his ear to the wall and listened carefully.
First he heard the sound of paws on the kitchen floor and then a loud bark.
“Excellent,” said the mouse to himself. “It’s only that stupid old dog! Let’s go!”
And the mouse came out from behind the fridge.
In an instant the cat trapped him with his paws and whispered sardonically in his ear:
“Now can you see how important it is to learn a foreign language?”

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Pubblicato da su 16 maggio 2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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Rebus 6

frayed-knot

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One day a string walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a Gin and Tonic. The bartender looked at him with a scornful eye and said, “We don’t serve strings here.”
Humiliated, the string left the bar and walked into another one.
“Could I have a Gin and Tonic, please,” he asked respectfully.
“You must be joking, we don’t serve strings in this bar,” replied the bartender with a sardonic chuckle.
The string tried another couple of bars but it was always the same story.
Feeling somewhat humiliated but determined to find a solution to his problem, the string ruffled his hair, tied himself up, and walked back into the first bar.
The bartender looked across the bar at him and asked, “Aren’t you that string that was in here just a few minutes ago?”
“Who me?” replied the string, pretending to be surprised. “I’m afraid not.”

[SOLUZIONE]

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Nobody did it

anybody

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This is a little story about four typically English characters called Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to do and Everybody thought that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but in the end Nobody did it. Somebody, of course, got angry about this because he felt that Everybody should have done it. Everybody insisted that Anybody could have done it, but Nobody realised that it was Everybody’s job. In the end Everybody blamed Somebody because Nobody had done what Anybody could have done.

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Pubblicato da su 13 aprile 2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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The secret to a long and happy marriage

wine

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An old woman was quietly drinking a glass of wine while sitting in the garden with her husband watching the sun go down.
She says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Her husband looks up and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
The old woman replies. “It’s me… talking to the wine.”

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A glass of water

glass-water

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A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone thought she was going to ask the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she enquired:
“How heavy is this glass of water?”
All kinds of answers came from around the room.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.”
It’s important to remember to let go of your stress. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night.
Remember to put the glass down.


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Pubblicato da su 18 marzo 2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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Do you fancy a sandwich?

sandwiches

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[le parole evidenziate in blu sono dei link per ulteriori informazioni]

Everybody knows what a sandwich is: a bit of food – traditionally cold meat and perhaps some cheese – tucked in between two slices of bread. But where does the name sandwich come from? Well, the story goes that the sandwich was the brainchild of a certain John Montagu (1718-1792), the 4th Earl of Sandwich, a prominent statesman and staunch supporter of the Patriot Whigs, a political faction strongly opposed to the government of Robert Walpole in the first half of the 18th century. Apart from his lifelong dedication to politics, John Montagu was also a very keen gambler who spent long hours at the card table. Such was his passion for cards – in particular cribbage – that he did not want to abandon the card table even when it was time for a meal. He cleverly resolved this problem by ordering his servants to fetch him some slices of cold meat between two slices of bread. In this way he was able to continue paying cards without needing a knife and fork and without getting his fingers greasy. His fellow players, impressed with his idea, also began to order, “the same as Sandwich,” and so the sandwich was born.

314px-john_montagu_4th_earl_of_sandwich

John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich
by Thomas Gainsborough

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Pubblicato da su 6 marzo 2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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Looking at life

laundry

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A young couple moved into a new neighbourhood. The first morning, while they were eating breakfast, the young woman watched her neighbour hanging her clothes out to dry.
“Her laundry doesn’t look very clean,” she said to her husband. “She obviously doesn’t know how to wash clothes properly. Perhaps she needs a better soap powder.”
Her husband looked at her but said nothing.
During the weeks that followed, every time her neighbour hung her clothes out to dry, the young woman watched her and made the same comments.
One morning, about a month later, the young woman was surprised to see a nice, clean line of washing hanging outside her neighbour’s house.
“Look!” she said to her husband. “Our neighbour has finally learnt how to wash her clothes properly! I wonder who taught her.”
Actually,” replied her husband, finally speaking out, “I  got up very early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
And so it is with life. What we see when we watch other people depends very much on the clarity of the window through which we look.

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Pubblicato da su 20 febbraio 2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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Mind your own business

How I learnt to mind my own business
Come ho imparato a fare i fatti miei

mind-your-own-business

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When I got home from work yesterday, it was a lovely sunny afternoon so I decided to go for a nice long walk. As I was walking past the local school, on the other side of the fence, I could hear all the children shouting, “Thirteen… thirteen… thirteen….”
The fence was too high to look over the top but just in front of me I could see a small hole in one of the planks. Curious, I stopped to see what was going on.
Just as I bent down to look through the hole, one of the children on the other side of the fence poked his finger in my eye and they all started shouting, “Fourteen… fourteen… fourteen…”

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