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The barber

27 Lug

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I can’t accept any money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was very content and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, he found a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses outside his door.
Later, a baker came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I can’t accept any money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The baker was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, he found a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen cream buns outside his door.
Then a member of parliament came in for a haircut and, when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I can’t accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The member of parliament was very pleased and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, he found a dozen members of parliament outside his door waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Pubblicato da su 27/07/2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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Troubled times

11 Lug

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It was a cold, wet night and the wind was whispering in the treetops.
The Past, the Present and the Future slipped silently out of the shadows and walked into the bar.
It was a tense moment.

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Pubblicato da su 11/07/2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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The young boy and the old man

27 Giu

oldyoung

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“Sometimes I drop my spoon,” said the young boy.
“Sometimes I do that, too,” said the old man.
“Sometimes I wet my pants,” whispered the young boy.
“That happens to me, too,” laughed the old man.
“I often cry,” said the young boy.
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the young boy, “grown-ups rarely pay any attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand, “I know what you mean,” said the old man.

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Pubblicato da su 27/06/2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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I can’t get no satisfaction

01 Giu

Some people are never satisfied!

Può succedere quando parti che qualcosa va storto e la vacanza non esaudisce le tue aspettative,
ma a volte i motivi per cui certe persone si lamentano sono davvero incredibili!

1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

2. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but nobody told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

Continua a leggere…

 
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Pubblicato da su 01/06/2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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A mouse in the house

16 Mag

mouse-house

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A mouse really wanted to come out from his hole in the wall behind the fridge in the kitchen but he was very, very afraid of the cat. So he put his ear to the wall and listened carefully.
First he heard the sound of paws on the kitchen floor and then a loud bark.
“Excellent,” said the mouse to himself. “It’s only that stupid old dog! Let’s go!”
And the mouse came out from behind the fridge.
In an instant the cat trapped him with his paws and whispered sardonically in his ear:
“Now can you see how important it is to learn a foreign language?”

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Pubblicato da su 16/05/2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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I’m afraid not

03 Mag

frayed-knot

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One day a string walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a Gin and Tonic. The bartender looked at him with a scornful eye and said, “We don’t serve strings here.”
Humiliated, the string left the bar and walked into another one.
“Could I have a Gin and Tonic, please,” he asked respectfully.
“You must be joking, we don’t serve strings in this bar,” replied the bartender with a sardonic chuckle.
The string tried another couple of bars but it was always the same story.
Feeling somewhat humiliated but determined to find a solution to his problem, the string ruffled his hair, tied himself up, and walked back into the first bar.
The bartender looked across the bar at him and asked, “Aren’t you that string that was in here just a few minutes ago?”
“Who me?” replied the string, pretending to be surprised. “I’m afraid not.”

[SOLUZIONE]

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Pubblicato da su 03/05/2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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Nobody did it

13 Apr

anybody

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This is a little story about four typically English characters called Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to do and Everybody thought that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but in the end Nobody did it. Somebody, of course, got angry about this because he felt that Everybody should have done it. Everybody insisted that Anybody could have done it, but Nobody realised that it was Everybody’s job. In the end Everybody blamed Somebody because Nobody had done what Anybody could have done.

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Pubblicato da su 13/04/2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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The secret to a long and happy marriage

25 Mar

wine

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An old woman was quietly drinking a glass of wine while sitting in the garden with her husband watching the sun go down.
She says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Her husband looks up and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
The old woman replies. “It’s me… talking to the wine.”

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Pubblicato da su 25/03/2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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