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Troubled times

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It was a cold, wet night and the wind was whispering in the treetops.
The Past, the Present and the Future slipped silently out of the shadows and walked into the bar.
It was a tense moment.

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Pubblicato da su 11 luglio 2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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The young boy and the old man

oldyoung

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“Sometimes I drop my spoon,” said the young boy.
“Sometimes I do that, too,” said the old man.
“Sometimes I wet my pants,” whispered the young boy.
“That happens to me, too,” laughed the old man.
“I often cry,” said the young boy.
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the young boy, “grown-ups rarely pay any attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand, “I know what you mean,” said the old man.

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Pubblicato da su 27 giugno 2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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I can’t get no satisfaction

Some people are never satisfied!

Può succedere quando parti che qualcosa va storto e la vacanza non esaudisce le tue aspettative,
ma a volte i motivi per cui certe persone si lamentano sono davvero incredibili!

1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

2. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but nobody told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

Continua a leggere…

 
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Pubblicato da su 1 giugno 2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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A mouse in the house

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A mouse really wanted to come out from his hole in the wall behind the fridge in the kitchen but he was very, very afraid of the cat. So he put his ear to the wall and listened carefully.
First he heard the sound of paws on the kitchen floor and then a loud bark.
“Excellent,” said the mouse to himself. “It’s only that stupid old dog! Let’s go!”
And the mouse came out from behind the fridge.
In an instant the cat trapped him with his paws and whispered sardonically in his ear:
“Now can you see how important it is to learn a foreign language?”

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Pubblicato da su 16 maggio 2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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I’m afraid not

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One day a string walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a Gin and Tonic. The bartender looked at him with a scornful eye and said, “We don’t serve strings here.”
Humiliated, the string left the bar and walked into another one.
“Could I have a Gin and Tonic, please,” he asked respectfully.
“You must be joking, we don’t serve strings in this bar,” replied the bartender with a sardonic chuckle.
The string tried another couple of bars but it was always the same story.
Feeling somewhat humiliated but determined to find a solution to his problem, the string ruffled his hair, tied himself up, and walked back into the first bar.
The bartender looked across the bar at him and asked, “Aren’t you that string that was in here just a few minutes ago?”
“Who me?” replied the string, pretending to be surprised. “I’m afraid not.”

[SOLUZIONE]

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Nobody did it

anybody

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This is a little story about four typically English characters called Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to do and Everybody thought that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but in the end Nobody did it. Somebody, of course, got angry about this because he felt that Everybody should have done it. Everybody insisted that Anybody could have done it, but Nobody realised that it was Everybody’s job. In the end Everybody blamed Somebody because Nobody had done what Anybody could have done.

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Pubblicato da su 13 aprile 2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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The secret to a long and happy marriage

wine

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An old woman was quietly drinking a glass of wine while sitting in the garden with her husband watching the sun go down.
She says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Her husband looks up and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
The old woman replies. “It’s me… talking to the wine.”

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Pubblicato da su 25 marzo 2017 in funny stories, Humour inglese, Inglese in azione, read

 

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A glass of water

glass-water

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A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone thought she was going to ask the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she enquired:
“How heavy is this glass of water?”
All kinds of answers came from around the room.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.”
It’s important to remember to let go of your stress. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night.
Remember to put the glass down.


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Pubblicato da su 18 marzo 2017 in Inglese in azione, read

 

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