old man – Ingliando

On the porch

Piccole letture in chiave umoristica e/o filosofica

Perché non provi inizialmente ad ascoltare l’audio senza leggere il testo?

Per sapere il significato delle parole evidenziate, passaci sopra con il mouse senza cliccare.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the front door of your house and bark at anyone who walks past. For this, I’ll give you a life of twenty years.”
“That’s a long time to spend barking,” replied the dog. “Why don’t you just give me ten years and take back the other ten?”
And God saw that it was good, and agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a life of twenty years.”
“Monkey tricks for twenty years?” replied the monkey. “That’s a long time to perform monkey tricks. Why don’t you take back ten like you did with the dog?”
And God saw that it was good, and agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and produce milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life of sixty years.”
“That’s a tough life to live for sixty years,” replied the cow. “I’m sure twenty years will be enough. Why don’t you take back the other forty?”
And God saw that it was good, and agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said, “Eat, sleep, play, and enjoy life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
“Only twenty years?” said the man. “Could you not give me my twenty years, plus the forty years that the cow gave back, plus the ten years that the monkey gave back and the ten years that the dog gave back? That makes eighty years all together. Is that okay?”
“Alright,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy life. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I will be on the porch.

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The barber

Piccole letture in chiave umoristica e/o filosofica

Perché non provi inizialmente ad ascoltare l’audio senza leggere il testo?

Per sapere il significato delle parole evidenziate, passaci sopra con il mouse senza cliccare.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I can’t accept any money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was very content and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, he found a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses outside his door.
Later, a baker came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I can’t accept any money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The baker was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, he found a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen cream buns outside his door.
Then a member of parliament came in for a haircut and, when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I can’t accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The member of parliament was very pleased and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, he found a dozen members of parliament outside his door waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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The young boy and the old man

Piccole letture in chiave umoristica e/o filosofica

Perché non provi inizialmente ad ascoltare l’audio senza leggere il testo?

Per sapere il significato delle parole evidenziate, passaci sopra con il mouse senza cliccare.

“Sometimes I drop my spoon,” said the young boy.
“Sometimes I do that, too,” said the old man.
“Sometimes I wet my pants,” whispered the young boy.
“That happens to me, too,” laughed the old man.
“I often cry,” said the young boy.
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the young boy, “grown-ups never pay any attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand, “I know what you mean,” said the old man.